BOOM it's back

The day was coming to an end, and it was nearing time where Cyrus normally visited the surface. Well more so his newly found friend, who for whatever reason still had interest in him.
It started out with him visiting maybe once or twice a week, to nearly everyday now. Though despite his greatest efforts he still couldn't mutter a single word to the guy. Didn't help him that Willow happened to be very attractive. Though that was besides the point. It's been weeks now, perhaps even months and still the conversation remained one sided. Even though he tried compromising by writing his thoughts down, it just didn't seem like the right answer either.

He felt bad about it, wished countless times that he could just say hello to the guy, instead of his throat choking up everytime.
Cyrus knew that he shouldn't think about it too much, it would just make it a whole lot worst. Anxiety would build up and his vocal cords would shut down for sure.

He let out a small quiet sigh.

It was time.

Before leaving he had changed out of his "work" clothes into a more casual attire, cleaned his face and fixed his helmet hair by pulling it neatly back up into bun.

Mustering up some courage, he created a dimension door out of Hell, to somewhere near Willow's apartment. Once he arrived in Japan he brushed off whatever dust was on his clothes and made his way to Willow's door.

As he approached he stood there for a small amount of time. This was certainly the worst part of visiting, not knowing if Willow was busy or not. The thought of him being a bother crept up.
Willow told him he was welcome anytime. He's also been doing this for a while now, surely he would've said something by now if he was troublesome. Right?

Right.
After a minute of psyching himself up Cyrus reached up hesitantly and knocked on the door.

"This is fucking ridiculous," Willow muttered to himself and threw an arm over his eyes. He was sprawled out on the tile floor dressed in only his boxers that said "Rub for Luck" with a picture of Buddha over his crotch.

Initially the tile had been cold, but now it was sticky and warm. If he moved he swore he could feel his skin peel off the floor but anything was better than laying in his bed. The sheets would soak in his sweat and he'd be laying in even more of his own filth. He had showered after work and yet it was almost as if he never had.

Maybe it was about time he broke down and invested in an AC.

He removed his arm and eyed the clock with a frown. Perhaps Cyrus wasn't going to be coming today. It was beginning to get late. Well, based off the time that Cyrus normally showed up. He propped himself up onto his elbows, reached for the clock and turned it around.

With a groan he flopped back down onto the floor, rolled onto his stomach, and wished the floor would remain cool longer. Maybe he'd call Kai or Quinton and see what they were up to. There was a very reasonable chance that they were together. Even if they weren't if Cyrus didn't show up he really didn't want to be stuck in his digustingly hot apartment all by himself.

If Cyrus did come then it'd just get even hotter.

He snickered to himself but it quickly turned into a frown and he rested his cheek against his arms. It had been months and Cyrus still hadn't peeped. He had begun to communicate by writing which was nice, but it wasn't the same. Willow closed his eyes and began to swing his legs in the air. Maybe today, or tomorrow, would be the day.

As he was beginning to doze off, he jumped up at the sound of a knock on the door. He scanned the floor for a pair or pants, a shirt, something-- and grabbed a shirt. Who needed pants? It didn't quite cover his boxers but oh well, that could be dealt with in a few minutes.

He cracked open the door and smiled once he saw Cyrus. "Hey, glad you decided to come today. I was beginning to think that you weren't going to be showing up." He gestured for Cyrus to come inside and opened the door fully. "Sorry that my apartment is hotter than hell. I don't know if you've eaten anything yet, but if you haven't I think it's too hot to cook so if you want I can bring us somewhere."

Willow nibbled on his lower lip and he began to fidget with his shirt. "Hopefully your day has been reasonable?"

What the heck was he doing? That was almost as had as talking about the weather. "Uh, I was also considering maybe later or tomorrow going to see Kai, Quinton, and them if you would be interested?"

See everything was fine. Willow didn't seem bothered in the slightest that he showed up. Greeting him with no pants, a smile, and gesturing to come in. Wait-- no pants. Yup, he sure was just standing in the doorway with his boxers on.
'Don't stare. Don't stare. Don't stare.' Cyrus repeated those words over and over in his head, as he smiled at the might as well be half naked Willow. He had accidentally caught a glimpse of his lower regions, he managed to have some self control so it wasn't a full on look. Hopefully it didn't appear too obvious when brought his eyes back up.

'Come on, pull yourself together' he told himself, greeting Willow with a small bow and removing his shoes before entering the appartment.

Willow spoke to him, questions once again that could not be answered verbally. Still embarrassed by his ways of communication he fumbled around his pockets for the small notepad and pen he kept on hand for situations like this. Once found, he pulled the notepad out and began to write his answer down.

He flipped the pad to face willow so he could see it.

 "Sure, we can go out and the other two are more than welcome to join."It read.

His smile faded for a moment. God, why couldn't he just talk to him, surely Willow was getting annoyed at reading his scribbled down messages. Usually his lack of verbal communication didn't bother him this much. But he really wanted things to work between him and Willow. Friendships were incredibly hard for him to make and he was so close with this one.

Once he knew Willow read it he pulled it back and wrote down another note at the bottom of the first.

"Today was fine. Surprisingly nothing terribly exciting happened. Can't say that's a bad thing though. Hopefully yours went well too." He had written down, but before handing it back over he decided to add a small side note.

"Also I know I've said this in the past, but I am sorry that I haven't been able to talk verbally." Was the final thing he wrote down and gave the notepad to Willow.

Willow examined the notepad. He nibbled on the inside of his lip and passed the notepad back to Cyrus. "It's fine," he paused for a moment and he cracked his left pointer knuckle as he kept eye contact with Cyrus. "I mean I'm not going to lie, I'd like it if you did talk but I don't want to force you to do something you're not comfortable with."
A weakness formed in Willow's knees as his chest tightened. Some part of him did want to make Cyrus talk. Doing as such wouldn't help the situation and he knew that. They had known each other for how long now?
It didn't really matter.
His feet began to tingle and he broke eye contact with Cyrus, casting them on the ground for a moment before remaking eye contact.
"Anyway, since those two came along the last few times, maybe we could meet up with them after eating? Knowing their habits, I'm sure they've had dinner already." That wouldn't stop those two from coming, but that wasn't the point.
Willow's thumb brushed against one of Cyrus's fingers as the notepad exchanged hands. It was like a spark of electricity was sent through his body.
This was like some cheap, cliche, overrated romance novel. No one would want to read about this.
Well, someone would. Otherwise those romance novels wouldn't ever be published.
"Uh, do you have any preference for the kind of food?" He had a strong feeling that the answer would be no, but it still seemed polite to ask. "I can also make something if that would be better." Now he was starting to repeat himself and he was beginning to blabber.
His feet began to tingle more and for some reason he wanted to hide. There was no reason to feel this way and yet here he was.
He opened his mouth to say something else but decided to close it and wait for Cyrus's response.

Validation. That's what he needed. Constant validation that he wasn't some kind of nuisance, or that he too was just like other people despite his lack of speech. He wasn't getting that right now. From seeing Willow's body language, he knew that he was awkward. This whole thing was awkward. He should've just stayed home, knowing he had this much anxiety within him. Oh how he just wanted to crawl away. It was too late now, going home would be the worst thing he could possibly do right now.

Willow kept eye contact with him but he couldn't bring himself to do the same. He kept his gaze down and would nod in agreement at his words. He began rubbing the front of his neck and making his way to the back. Between the knot in his throat and the one forming in his stomach he felt sick.
He took the note pad back, but he was beginning to freeze up. He didn't want Willow to feel bad, or awkward. That just makes him feel bad and even more awkward.

But this just wasnt good this was going south fast. Something had to change quick.

Dinner, right. Thats what this whole thing was about. That could be a good distraction from this anxious mess he had become at the moment. Both options had pros and cons though. Going out in public areas, possibly making it more awkward for Willow, but on the other hand Willow didn't have to cook and clean up. He would cook for him, but probably lacked the proper ingredients for anything he knew how to do. He fiddled with the pen he was using to write to hide the slight tremble in his hands. Rolling it in-between his fingers, until he decided on an answer.

"Let's go out." He wrote down and flipped the notepad to him. Fresh air could be a good thing for the two of the anyways. Once he knew Willow read it he wrote down one last thought before showing him again. "I'm okay with anything. Though I do like Udon bowls."

You know when the things you hate about a person make you love them even more?
Cyrus's silence and his insecurity were both contributing factors. He wanted to take Cyrus's hands into his own for a moment, lightly tug on the collar of his shirt and plant a small kiss on his lips. They'd separate for a moment, centimeters apart before reconnecting again. He'd run his fingers up Cyrus's neck and through his hair, lightly nipping on his lips before reconnecting and running his tongue over Cyrus's lips.

He let out a deep breath and shook his head slightly. "You know what, I should probably get some pants on," he thought out loud. He didn't want to become too excited. That would be incredibly embarrassing. Nonetheless, he could feel his face flushing. If he asks I've had a few drinks, he knows I have a bit of a problem with that. He pulled out a fresh pair of black skinny jeans and a somewhat loose, green shirt. He ran into the bathroom and quickly changed.

He smiled upon walking out. "Sorry about the not wearing pants thing," he put a hand behind the back of his head and glanced at the floor for a moment. "Hopefully that didn't bother you at all."

He knew he wasn't going to get an answer so he threw on a pair of black Avenue Joey boots and a black pea-coat. It wasn't cold out, but it was just chilly enough to excuse wearing boots and a pea-coat so he was going to. Once Cyrus appeared to be ready to leave the two left.

Willow tried to make smalltalk as much as he could as they made their way to a soup stand where he knew there were vegan options. It was a quaint place, and never too man people collected there so Cyrus should feel comfortable enough.

"Hellooooo sexy," A man around Willow's height with light blue hair and hipster glasses slid up next to Cyrus and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Man, it's been a long time since I saw you last." He raised his eyebrows a few times before turning his attention to Willow. "This your latest boy toy? Good choice. He's just the right shade of white, milky and pure. He's god that hipster vibe to him too, suits you well."

Willow slapped the guys hand off of Cyrus and frowned at him. "What are you doing here? I thought Saul sent you back to Korea for the next few months."

The kid shrugged and kept his smile on. "He obviously brought be back babycakes. I'm new and improved too, if you can't tell. I'm liking this much more than before. Ya know? You really ought to just update." He looked at Cyrus and put a heart between the two. "I can see it now. You'll bring him home later after you two have a few drinks and you'll take him like a champ. I'll make sure to bring a camera."

Willow pinches the bridge of his nose and felt his heart rate increase. Jin-soon had no idea how much Willow would love to take Cyrus tonight. But, that wasn't going to happen.

"He's quiet," Jin-soon dropped his hands, leaned forward and tilted his head to the side. His smile turned into a thin frown for a moment before springing back. "I can only imagine what super secret information Mr. Tall and Handsome is holding. Men like that are always super important. Why don't you talk?"

"He's mute," Willow pushed Jin-soon back a few feet and stood between the two of them.

"A selective mute, okay," Jin-soon kicked at a stray pebble before springing at Willow and whispering something in his ear. He nipped Willow's ear just before pulling away and winked at Cyrus. "I'm sure I'll see way more of you. Make sure you use plenty of lube. The anus isn't self lubricating. Water based lube is best, silicone is nasty. See ya!" With a wave, another wink, and a small blow kiss, Jin-soon ran off.

Here's a ref for Jin-soon I like:
http://pin.it/xrpH-0c

Cyrus perked up a bit, turning his attention fully towards Willow as he spoke about getting dressed. His eyes couldn't help but follow as he left the room for that brief moment. Watching him for as long as he could.

When he was gone he looked down at his notepad, taping the pen against it. He was still a bit anxious, about everything that was said before. Though dwelling on the past wasn't going to change the future. In attempt to rid himself of some anxiety he took in a deep and quietly exhaled slowly with a slight tremble.

As he heard Willow step out of the room he brought his attention back up, and couldn't help but give him a warm smile in return. He looked absolutely stunning. One thing was for sure Willow always manged to put himself together, flawlessly.

When he spoke, he shook his head and gave a sight wave of the hand as if to say 'It's fine' or ' I didn't mind at all'. As Willow got his coat, he brushed off what seemed to be imaginary dirt off himself and placed the pen and note pad back in his pocket before they walked out of the apartment together.

The small talk was nice despite it being one sided, though he tried to communicate with as many gestures as he could. Soon there was a voice. A voice that was directed towards them yet it wasn't recognizable, not to him at least. A voice that soon led to a feeling of a slight embrace around his waist. Cyrus's eyes widened a bit in shock to see another Asian male who he never saw before, hugging him…well a half hug. He smiled at him, he's pretty cute as well
….he thought to himself before slapping himself mentally.
God what was he thinking.

Cyrus listened in on the conversation. 'Take him like a champ?? confusion spread like a wildfire in his mind. He wasn't exactly sure what was going on but Willow seemed pretty annoyed at this blue haired kid. Cyrus looked back and forth between the two, eventually keeping his gaze on Willow. He might not be fully aware of the situation at the moment, but with Willow's actions of making sure Jin-soon didn't touch Cyrus, he could see he was being protective of him. But why?
Before he could think much of it, his stomach tied itself in a knot the moment Jin-soon questioned why he was quiet. Oh boy.… he thought to himself. But Willow stuck up for him and the knot began to loosen. He smiled softly at Willow for doing that. It was certainly appreciated.  

His smile quickly changed to him dropping his jaw slightly and his eyes widening in shock when Jin-soon began talking about using lube for anal. He might not have caught on to the first innuendo but he certainly caught on to that.

Sex…with Willow. Well he'd be lying to himself if he said that he had never thought of that before. The image of Willow underneath him in pleasure has crossed his mind a few times. However, the fantasies weren't strong enough in comparison to the other part of him that knew he wasn't 100% ready to engage in intimacy with another person. If he played his cards right maybe one day it would happen; but if not that would be fine too.

As Jin-soon skipped off, he shook his head slightly and closed his mouth in hopes Willow didn't really pay attention to his reaction.

Without much hesitation, he placed a hand on Willow's shoulder, and gave him a comforting smile. Hopefully he wasn't too annoyed at that encounter. Well at least he hoped it didn't ruin his night somehow. He would do his best to try and cheer him up though.
Leaving his one hand on Willow he took the other to wave forward as if to say "Shall we?"

"I'm sorry about that, hopefully you don't feel too violated by him entering your personal space," Willow said and forced on a smile. "He's... interesting, I guess. Avoid him if you can. He's not worth your time or energy." Not only that, but if Jin-soon found out that Willow really was interested in Cyrus, he could relay that information to Saul. If Saul found out... oh things could go down south fast. Willow was already playing a dangerous game with Saul, and whenever Saul got sick of it, Cyrus could become a target.

He didn't want to think of that. He cleared his throat and then let out a small sigh. "Sorry I sigh a lot. They say that's good for your lungs though, but still sorry if it bothers you. It's not you, it's literally everything else." Well, some of it was Cyrus but that was more of the fact he still wanted to pull Cyrus down and give him a deep, passionate kiss and then go from there. A public place wasn't the best for that, but there was always home.

"Anyway, I suppose we should get going?"

Jin-soon followed behind the pair. He was sure that Willow had an interest in this guy. To what degree, Jin-soon wasn't sure. He felt safe guessing that Willow was probably after this guy's package more than anything. Considering his height, he had to pack something nice.

A real feast.

Jin-soon snickered to himself and did his best to blend in the crowd. Neither looked back, nor did it make sense to considering he had run away from them. He was damn glad that Mr. Tall and Handsome was, well, tall and a white beacon. It made it so much easier to follow him. It was nearly impossible to lose the two of them.

There was a line at the restaurant that Willow had decided on. It was a tiny place at the corner of the street. There was a small amount of seating inside; no more than 10 people could sit at once. There were delivery scooters coming and going. If that wasn't a clear enough sign that the place was nice, then Willow didn't know what would tell that to Cyrus.

For the time being, nature was calling.

"I'll be right back," he told Cyrus. "I'm going to use the lav, I didn't need to go before we left. I think it'll be a few minutes before we get inside anyway."

After Willow went inside to use the lav, Jin-soon walked up to Cyrus and looped and arm through Cyrus's and began to pull him along. He was a lot stronger than he looked. "You two make a cute couple, too bad he isn't as nice as he makes himself out to be."

Jin-soon took a corner and continued to drag Cyrus along. "I think we should have a little chat about him, even though you're mute. That's fine, I don't discriminate." He paused and smiled up at Cyrus. "My name is Jin-soon, I think ya already know that. I work with Willow and boy... you have that peace-and-love hippie look going. Would you still want to be his friend if you knew that he's a murderer?"

Willow seemed off. Jin-soon's appearance seemed to be the cause of it. His smile faded for a moment. He wanted to know what was bothering him, he wanted to help him get through it. Comfort him and care for him, even as a friend.

His hand slipped off his shoulder as he began to walk towards the resturant. He was starting to have a bad feeling about this… they should've just stayed at home. It might've been quiet, but at least Willow would've remained in a good mood. Who was this Jin-soon? What has he done to make Willow so upset?

The resturant they arrived was nice though. He wasn't expecting it to be as nice as it was. Hopefully it wasn't expensive. Still he needed a way to pay Willow back, he felt like such a mooch when they out. He turned his attention to Willow once he spoke and nodded, fighting the urge to watch him leave.

Willow wasn't even gone for a minute, when Jin-soon had returned. Cyrus was surprised to say the least, especially when he looped an arm around his and began walking in the opposite direction. As he started to pull Cyrus away, he tried to apply the breaks, but Jin-soon managed to win. The anxiety crept up on him again his heart began to pound so hard he was surprised it managed to stay in his chest. He wasn't so nervous about dealing with Jin-soon, but more so leaving Willow behind. The last thing he wanted to do was make Willow think he bailed on him last second.

His mind was spinning, barely picking up on the first part of what Jin-soon was saying, but manged to catch the rest. 'Willow not really as nice as he thought??? What was he talking about.
He's been friends with Willow for months now and never picked up on any malintent. He delt with terrible demons of all kinds on the daily, so needless to say he could read people pretty damn well.

Once they came to a stop he held out a finger, gesturing 'One moment', as he went into his pockets and pulled out the notepad and pen from before.
He flipped the page over, covering any previous conversations he had with Willow.

He was about to write down something, before Jin-soon mentioned Willow being a murderer. The pen stood still on the page, his eyes widened a bit, and his stomach turned upside down. He slowly took his eyes away from the paper and looked up at Jin-soon with a single eyebrow raised. 'Willow…a murderer? No, that couldn't be. he said to himself trying to process all this information at once. Could he really have dropped his guard that much to have been bewitched by Willow? That just didn't make sense. Willow never showed any sign of evil doing. He supposed he could be two faced about it, but still those kinds of people usually gave off some vibe. Also, why was Jin-soon telling him this? To possibly tear apart their friendship maybe. Willow did seem very untrusting and upset by this blue haired kid just now.

' Just remember to stay calm. Don't allow him the chance to read too much into you. ' he told himself.

He spent a solid minute or so putting the pieces together, before he finally decided to write his response:
"That is some…very serious information you just revealed. But how would you know about him being a murderer? Unless of course your best friends and he's told you everything, though that doesn't seem like something you'd bloat about even to a close friend, unless they're your partner in crime. You say your coworkers, so maybe your work is doing illegal actions, being that a normal workplace would not have a felon work for them if they knew. And if they didn't know then your protecting him by not reporting anything, which is just as bad. Which leads me to believe it's just your work that does illegal buisness, making you no different than Willow.
So. Why trust me this information? Because I'm mute, you think I won't tell a soul?" at this point he was just writing down his thought process in attempt to figure it out. He then flipped the pad to show Jin-soon making sure it was firmly in his grasp, so he couldnt swipe it away. When he knew that Jin-soon finished reading he held up a single finger and began to write again.
"Regardless of whether I'm right or wrong in my previous statement, I do appreciate you informing me of this. It is a very serious matter, and I need time to really process this."
He showed the pad once again, with a small smile on his face. The sickening feeling in his stomach just got worst. He pleaded over and over again to himself, hoping that these words were not true.

Cyrus didn't even want to know Jin-soon's response. He just wanted to escape somehow, but it wasn't like he could just turn invisible and sneak off at this moment.

Jin-soon rocked back and forth from heel to toe, with his hands behind his back. A small smile was on his face as he watched Cyrus write. He began to whistle the Jeopardy theme since this guy was taking forever.

Jin-soon rolled his eyes once he was presented with the response. "C'mon sweetcheeks. Where I work certainly isn't the best place, but I've never killed anyone. That isn't my department." He leaned forward slightly and tilted his head, a smile popping back onto his face. "I'm a recruiter. Well, most of the time. The other part of the time I train people. So I guess I'm not really any better? But still."

He paused and looked around. There was a lot of people but he didn't care. The Japanese were used to seeing loons and hearing wonky shit. "Willow on the other hand deals with children. His job is to dismember those that don't quality. Depending on how much they pissed off one of our bosses, they don't get any anesthesia. He has to wait till they wake back up again and just keep going at it. Plus, he's been sent out to kill people on more than one occasion. He seems like he has a real warm heart, but really, he's doing all this evil." He paused again and peered around Cyrus. Still no Willow yet.

Jin-soon's face straightened and he pointed a finger at Cyrus. "Seriously, Mr. Tall & Handsome, all chips I have against Willow aside, you don't want to get into a relationship with him. Our main boss is a real ass hole and you could become a target. If you dated Willow, he could die. You could die because our boss got pissed. Is that worth it?" He peered around Cyrus again. Still no Willow.

It didn't take Willow terribly long to use the bathroom. After washing his hands he stepped back outside.
He didn't see Cyrus anywhere. His chest tightened as he looked around. He wasn't anywhere within eyesight if he was still in the area.
Did Cyrus ditch him?
Cyrus didn't seem like that type. All the same, he felt his cheeks flush slightly and his hands began to clam up.

"One last thing," Jin-soon lowered his finger and took a step closer to Cyrus. "The reason I told you, as I already said, is it ain't worth your life. Plus, Willow is a real sleeze. I'm guilty of that too, but you're not interested in me. I could tell by the way you two were looking at each other you both have the hots for one another. He, however, wants that package of yours," he pointed at Cyrus's crotch, "and then would check you off as another success. You're probably packing well, and he'd like that no doubt."
He peered around Cyrus one more time. He saw that Willow was headed in this direction.
"Before I go," he grabbed Cyrus by the collar of his shirt and pulled him down into a kiss, just as Willow was within eyesight. For a moment he had his fingers in Cyrus's hair, and his lightly licked Cyrus's lips.
He broke the kiss before Cyrus had much time to react. "As a parting gift." He smiled and waved at Willow, but to Cyrus appeared to be waving at him, before heading off again.

Willow's face paled and his heart stopped. What the hell was Jin-soon doing here? Not only that, but he had clearly just kissed Cyrus. Since Cyrus had been facing away from him, he couldn't tell if Cyrus had been kissing back of what.
The fleshy part of his shoulders began ache and his already clammy hands began to sweat. His heart was now on the floor and torn in half. He turned back before Cyrus could see him and around the corner. He then sprinted several feet and began to act as if he had been looking for Cyrus.

The detailed image of kids being tortured by the man he had strong feelings for crushed him. He didnt want to believe it, but part of him knew that Jin-soon was most likely telling the truth. He had no words left to say.

Jin-soon talked and talked. Talked about how this was for his own good. Maybe it was. But he was a strong believer in the phrase it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Boss man would have to have a pretty big vendetta on Willow to off one of his loved ones or himself. That and he was used to being in a secret relationship, anyways so that was always a possibility.

God what was he thinking. Was he seriously still hopelessly in love with Willow to the point where he's just going to ignore the poor children. It tore him apart. His heart may have been shattered just now, but there still was a small pulse. He just had to remind himself how Willow was still Willow, despite this dark secret he just discovered. That secret was always there during all this time.

Before he knew it their lips had connected. As if the description of kids in pain wasn't enough to make him sick. He immediately dropped the pen and notepad from his grip. He tried to lean away, but between the force of Jin-soon pulling him down, and the hand in his hair, it was futile. For the past few months he wanted to kiss a handsome man. But this was the wrong man. This kiss lingered on for too long, the worst part was feeling his tongue against his lips.

When it was over Jin-soon waved him goodbye, but he was frozen stiff. He hadn't felt so vulnerable, so violated in a very long time. His heart had been shattered into a million small pieces with the current information, and the kiss just grinded some of it into dust. Cyrus casted his gaze to the ground and wiped his lips with his sleeve. He knew he had to hear Willow's side, he had to know, but how does he bring this one up to him. A person can't just ask if they torture kids on the daily and expect an easy result.
The thought stung like a swarm of angry bees in his head. He knelt down to pick up the items he dropped. His trembling was clearly visible, there was no way to hide it. The anxiety within him at this point was making it hard for him to keep down whatever he had in his stomach. He slowly picked the pen and pad up from the ground, as well as picking himself up and he placed the two items safely back in his pocket.

He heard foot steps behind him, he hoped it wasn't more bad news. Immideately he turned around to find Willow standing there. His already shattered heart dropped to the floor. He took in a very long deep breath, to try and hold back any tears from forming. 'Stay strong.' he told himself on his exhale, which was the sound of pure anxiety. No tears for now, but he was broken. Still trembling, he took his pen and paper out once again. He stared at the previous conversation and ripped the page out. Crumpled it up and shoved it in his pocket. That was one conversation no one, even himself, had to see. "Can we just go back to your place?" he wrote down, though his handwriting was messier than usual. He then walked towards Willow and handed it to him.

Seeing Cyrus write made the knot in Willow stomach tighten. He nibbled on his lip and began to fiddle his shirt. Each step Cyrus took towards him felt like an additional needle in his heart.
The note was practically a whole stake.
"Yeah... we can go back," Willow said in a barely audible voice. He didn't bother making eye contact with Cyrus as he turned to head back. Part of him wanted to sprint off. He wanted to find some corner to sit in and wallow in his own self pity. Cyrus wasn't officially his, so why was he so upset? He had never asked Cyrus out.
They had never kissed, never did anything intimate. Even if they had, he had sexual relations with all sort of people and that didn't mean anything. Yet... Cyrus seemed awfully somber.
Willow felt like there were worms eating their way through his insides. They were wriggling around in his heart, through his stomach walls, and into his intestines. His legs began to tingle and felt like they were going to fall off.
Jin-soon knew everything.
Every. Thing.
He worked with Jin-soon. Jin-soon may have said anything. But Jin-soon wasn't that dumb, he wouldn't incriminate himself too, would he? Saul would be pissed if he or Jin-soon told anyone. There was a good chance that Jin-soon only stole a kiss.
Yeah. That had to be what had Cyrus down... the kiss.
A few yards from his apartment Willow stopped and turned to Cyrus. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice still barely audible. He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for yet, but he had a strong feeling he would have to soon.
He opened up the door to his apartment and sat down on the floor, avoiding eye contact with Cyrus.

Willow seemed very upset. As if he was annoyed over something he did. [/i] 'Does he think I ditched him?' [/i] was the first thing to come to his mind. Followed by the thought of maybe he saw Jin-soon walking away. Whatever it was, Cyrus felt guilty over it. He knew he shouldn't feel this way, considering he was just about to confront the man he grew feelings for, and ask if he's really a murderer.

He followed behind Willow, hands in his pockets, his head down to watch his footsteps. The only thing that picked his head up during the entire trip was hearing Willow apologize. Why was he apologizing? Did he too feel guilty over the terrible outcome this night took? Cyrus gave small quiet sigh as Willow opened the appartment door.

He stepped into the apartment after Willow and closed the door behind him. He leaned himself against the door and watched Willow go sit on the floor. Still in pain with what happened and what's about to come, Cyrus turned his gaze up at the ceiling. They were home. Jin-soon hadn't followed them, nor would he be here lurking in Willow's apartment. No..they were alone, but he needed to talk to Willow about what had happened. He bit his lower lip, this was going to be extremely painful.

He knew Willow was really down on the way back. From him avoiding eye contact, to barely hearing his voice, to him mumbling an apology just now. But even though he knew it wasn't nessecarily his fault, he still couldn't tell exactly why or pinpoint what exactly happened to cause his mood to hit the floor. Not only that, but if the Willow he knew was still here and not some murderer who could careless about his actions, his mood was bound to slip even further down.

This couldn't go on for much longer though. The band-aid just needed to be ripped off. At that thought, Cyrus pushed himself away from the door and walked towards Willow. He proceeded to sit down next to him and leaned against the wall.
He sat there for a few seconds before pulling out his notepad and began to write.

"I'm sorry about dinner." he started with. He knew it wasn't nessecarily his fault but he felt like in some way it was. Hell if he had just said to have dinner here none of this would've happened. "When you left, Jin-soon returned. He pulled me away and began to talk.
...He told me some things that I didn't nessecarily need to know at least I didn't want to know from him.
I was caught off guard by this, and when he was done talking he sealed it off by forcing our lips to meet. " He frowned and cringed at that last sentence, he could still feel the wetness of Jin-soon's tongue against this lips, it was disgusting to say the least.
Cyrus ripped the paper out of the pad, and handed it sheepishly to Willow. Once Willow took it he continued to write on another piece of paper. " Willow, this isn't easy for me to say or ask. I'm sure the response isn't going to be any easier." he began to tremble once again. "Jin-soon…told me in detail what exactly you do at work…with those children and taking their lives. " he swallowed hard as he finished those few words. "But before I believe anything he said, I want to hear your side. Please Willow, I need to know. " he finished the least sentence before tearing that page out as well and handed it to Willow with shaking hands. If his heart could sink any further it would at this point. By writing this he had a feeling he was just going to hurt him more. But there was no point in trying to walk around it.
He had to read him, see if he's evil or as truly upset over it as he was. Oh he hoped it was the latter.

As he allowed Willow to read the notes Cyrus propped his elbows on his knees and placed his face in his hands. This was going to be a very long night.

Everything had a time to die, a place to end. If that something was lucky enough, it’d have a final resting place that was ideal, whatever that may have meant for that time period. For some that meant a boat pushed out to sea and having a flaming arrow shot at it, and for others, resting underneath a tree for eternity was enough.

Being shot down, dragged, and then thrown onto a pile of glass was not something most people would consider a good burial. To Willow, that may as well have just happened to their relationship. His heart had a hole and numerous pieces of glass sticking through it. He had worked so hard and it didn’t mean anything.

Willow sat motionless for a few moments, reading the pieces of paper that Cyrus had handed him.

And Again.

And Again.

Each time that he read it he was hoping that it said something different. He wasn’t ready to talk about this yet. He wasn’t so sure if he’d ever be ready to talk about this. If there was ever a time, it was not now.

He lowered the pieces of paper, took in a deep breath, and exhaled slowly.

Breathing back in terrified him. His throat and lungs would shake and collapse. The pieces of glass would dig deeper into his heart until nothing but a bloody pile remained.

He was about to lose Cyrus. He had told him so much. If Cyrus wished, he could ruin what little façade Willow had protecting him from Saul. Worse yet, Cyrus could warn anyone Willow may attempt to befriend in the future that he was a fraud.

No one likes a fraud. The fact he believed for even a moment Cyrus would genuinely like him after discovering this dark side of him had been naïve and foolish.

Willow stood up and paced around for a few moments before he sat down several feet away from Cyrus. What the hell was he supposed to say? That he was sorry? If he did, he’d be telling the truth, but that didn’t change the situation for himself, nor for the children he’d be seeing in the future.

He was disgusting. This wasn’t new news to him, yet it was something he tried to keep out of his mind. If he didn’t he’d go crazy. Now he had to explain himself and he wasn’t sure how.

This silence was dragging on too long. He could feel Cyrus’s gaze bearing down on him. His stomach rolled, collecting up several of the shards of glass.

“I don’t know what to say,” Willow whispered through a series of stammers. He began to play with his nails and avoided eye contact with Cyrus.

“I need a minute,” Willow said as he stood back up and exited the apartment. He closed the door behind him as quietly as he could and walked down the few steps before his apartment. His legs were screaming for him to keep walking. He wasn’t quite sure to where, there was no one he could go to. However, he was sure he’d end up somewhere. Knowing him it’d probably be a bar or to buy some cigarettes. He hadn’t smoked in a long time but boy he could use them right now.

Willow decided to listen to his legs and walked for several feet before planting himself on the curve. He needed to do something. He couldn’t stay out here for too long or Cyrus would think he ran away. He desperately wanted to run away. This was not a problem he wanted to deal with right now and yet he had no choice.

He took in a deep breath.

Jin-soon had told Cyrus. Yet, that meant that Jin-soon had to incriminate himself as well. If Saul discovered this Jin-soon would be in deep trouble. Cyrus could be as well. Cyrus was Jin-soon’s meat shield preventing Willow from snitching. What a rotten piece of shit.

There was only so much time that Willow could waste. With a deep sigh he headed back into the apartment. Every fiber of his body was screaming at him not to, but he had to. His dignity and pride were all that he had left. Hell, he didn’t even have that. He was a caitiff and a miscreant.

Willow sat back down across the room from Cyrus, the table in-between then. He fiddled with his fingers for several more moments before letting out a heavy sigh. He opened his mouth and then shut it. Silence clung thickly to the surrounding air for several long moments.

“I have no choice. If I don’t do as I’m told I’ll end up in their spot or worse. Really, it’d probably be worse since I’m reasonably high ranking in the company. I was forced into this. One day I was assaulted, was sure I was going to die, woke up, and well…” he paused. “This is a lot of explanation honestly. I feel incredibly vulnerable at the moment.” He’d have to spill out every last dirty fucking detail about his life to Cyrus for this to make sense. He’d know everything. There wasn’t anything Willow could do if Cyrus so chose to incriminate him or blackmail him after this. But really, he deserved it.

“My father would be disappointed with me. As a kid there were a lot of things he told me. One of the most important lessons that always stuck with me is that by helping others, you can help yourself. Material things only enhance your suffering, jumping from one material thing to another won’t ever bring you happiness. That’s one reason why he worked so hard to take care of me. He loved me and wanted me to be happy, because those moments where he could see me happy made his exhausting work all worth it. I’m not even a tenth of the man my father was.” Willow pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. “My dad died when I was ten. One morning I woke up and his head was resting on the desk with a pen in hand. He didn’t respond to me and he wasn’t breathing. I panicked. I knew he was dead but it wasn’t until three days later I finally accepted it and told someone. I lost the most important thing in my life. After that I went from one foster home to another. They didn’t like my attitude. I became a member of a gang in Chicago and began to get involved with all sorts of bad people and activity. Even before this job I ended up killing people. The primary thing I did for the gang was sell drugs or kill people for not paying up.”

Willow went silent for a few moments and turned his head down so that his forehead was now resting on his knees. “I eventually found myself a girlfriend. I didn’t come out as bi to myself until much later. Our relationship was really great. We were going to get married. I was still involved with the gang. I met her because of her brother; she was a beautiful Latina woman. I had been unable to collect from a few stubborn persons but I was also told not to kill them. After I fell fairly deep into drug debt due to buyers not paying up one time, higher ups came to get me. They chased me into an alleyway, beat me, broke my jaw, gouged out my eyes and cut off my arms. I was left there to die. The next thing I know, I wake up on an operating table.” He stopped and shook his head. He pulled his legs close. “And ever since I’ve been under the control of Saul, my boss. The reason I lived is because he made me a cyborg. My eyes, arms, and jaw are made of semi-organic material that is also mechanical. I’m a caitiff. I could try to fight back. I’d die most certainly, and the children and other people would continue to die, but at least I wouldn’t be violating my own values. If you were to run into me at work I’m a very different person. I have to be, otherwise I would lose it. Sometimes, I think that it’d be better if I end it myself. But, if I can be made into a cyborg, how do I know Saul can’t bring me back and make my life even more miserable? That’s one of the things that have stopped me from trying to do anything. I’m a slave. Even in death, I know I’d somehow still be.”

He felt as if he should be crying. Yet, his eyes were dry. Saul had drained what little was left. Any that was left he didn’t know he had, and Saul always managed to find it.

Now it was Cyrus’s turn to extract what he didn’t even know he had.

The silence filled up the room to an almost unbearable level. He wanted Willow to say something, anything. It killed him not to know the truth. To not know what was really going on with him. He had set his full attention on Willow and watched his every movement. He knew this was going to be hard for him, but it wasn't like he couldn't say anything about it. He couldn't play innocent to just try and keep what they had going. That just wouldnt feel right.

Before he knew it Willow walked out and left him alone in his small apartment. He let out a small, sharp exhale as the door closed. Cyrus straightened his legs out in front of him and stared down at his feet. Minutes passed, no sign of his return. The thought of Willow not coming back crossed his mind. He hoped that wasn't the case.

The sound of the door clicking from the outside filled up the ungodly quiet room. Immediately Cyrus perked up and looked over towards the entrance to see Willow come in. He continued to watch him from when he walked in, to him sitting back down, to him eventually talking.

Cyrus listened closley to everything he was saying. There was a sense of relief to hear him talk. And while he was expecting to hear him tell the truth about his job, he was expecting the story to take an even darker turn down Willow's past.

His jaw unhinged itself slightly as the story continued. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was an absolute tragedy. Willow had suffered through that much, yet he managed to try and have a strong front on the daily. His pain shifted from the thought of dying children, towards the suffering man in front of him. It was in his nature to be a form of comfort and protection. To protect those from an evil that was stronger than them. Not only could he not protect the children that were being disposed, but there was very little he could do in protecting Willow, and that ate away at every fiber in his being.

As Willow finished Cyrus sat there in silence. Absorbing all of the information that was dished out to him. He turned his gaze away from Willow and stared at the new blank page in front of him. Fiddling with pen once again. There were no words that could honestly describe what he was feeling. There was no anger, no resentment or hate towards Willow. Just empty saddness.

"I'm so sorry." he jotted down. They were the only words to come to mind for the moment. Though he continued to sit on it for another minute trying to think of more before allowing Willow to read it.  " Truly. I've only known you for a few months now, but I'm terribly sorry this is what you've been going through."
He paused for a moment, biting down on the top of his pen in deep thought, until he decided to continue.   "As you know I deal with terrible demons and creatures on the daily, so needless to say I can usually tell when one is front me, despite how charismatic they can be. I dont believe that you're one. You may have done awful things in your past, but I will not judge you based on that. We've all done things that aren't nessecarily something to be proud of, but what defines us is whether or not we recognize them as mistakes and try to do something different for the future. " He ripped the page out, flipped it over and continued to write on the back. "You may feel the need to beat yourself up for everything that you've done or are doing, but from what I'm seeing now you're not a monster."  he let out a quiet sigh as he continued on " I've seen similar things in my life time, as to what you're going through. I've been in situations where I've needed to do things against my will. But even so that's the past. If this is not of your choosing, and you wish for it to stop then that just means you haven't lost your way."

He finished what he had, stood himself up and went over to Willow. Once again Cyrus sat himself back down next to him. He sat there for a moment, but only a moment before he wrapped an arm around him, and brought him into a warm half embrace. The urge of wanting to kiss the top of his head was incredibly strong, but he managed to refrain himself from doing so. He wanted to protect him. He wanted to get him away from Saul, to make him a free man. But at the moment he just didn't know how that could be done. For now he just pulled him in a bit closer to him and held him there for a minute before handing the paper over. Allowing Willow to read it and make his response.

Willow took the paper from Cyrus but didn't bother reading it. He placed it down in front of him and inched away from Cyrus.
He eyes the paper for a few minutes before he let out a sigh and placed his head back onto his knees. "I don't know what you said but I don't deserve the sympathy. Real life doesn't work like those cliche action or romance movies, which are usually the same thing." He picked up the paper and skimmed over what Cyrus had to say.

Cyrus was wrong. "That's the issue," Willow gave the paper back more forcefully than intended. "I can't do anything different. I'm already on Saul's bad since because I don't always listen to him. I don't even know why he likes me... well, I don't know if that's right, but why he hasn't got rid of me. I misbehave more than anyone else. You remember Jin-soon? One time he helped someone that Saul wanted to become a cyborg, like us, escape. He had the crap bear out of him. I have too, but after more than one 'mishap' on my part. I can't help these kids, I can't do anything to stop Saul." He let out another sigh and ran his hands through his hair and then placed his face into his hands. "You're wrong about another thing too. I haven't lost my will, but I've lost my way since I can no longer choose where to go. I'm a liar." He had been trying and it had got him nowhere.

Willow stood up again, staying several feet away from Cyrus and then plopped himself down again. "Do you remember Ian? He's one of the fathers of my friend you saved... the muscular one. He teaches me a few forms of martial arts and he's also my Zen teacher. Via him and a monastery, perhaps a year ago, I began to practice the Precepts. And you know what? Every day I'm a fraud, I can't practice them. If Ian or Kai, the monastery-- anyone-- were to learn about this I'm sure I'd be kicked out. Whatever respect they have for me would be gone too. I'm stuck."

He sat on the floor in silence, he wasn't sure how much time had passed before he spoke again. "I had thought about telling you earlier but I wasn't sure how. How do you tell someone you're a cyborg that dissects kids for a living? Or forces them through all sorts of training to make them into killers? Well, I don't know how you explain that. It sounds like some bad Sci-fi movie if you ask me." He paused. "I'm sorry, if you decide you don't want to see me anymore I understand. I just... I just thought that maybe something could have come of the friendship is all. I was stupid to think otherwise I guess."

He stood up and left the apartment.

Cyrus didn't know what to do or say. Willow told him that he was wrong, but he knew that wasn't true.
He frowned slightly when he felt him leave his side.
Yeah real life didn't work like the cliche romance stories he had read in the past, but he also knew Willow wasn't the person he claimed to be. Well, he didn't know for sure, but he could certainly see that this man was troubled and stuck in a very bad situation.

Confusion spread visibly across his face. Something become of this friendship? What was that supposed to mean. Closer friends? An actual relationship? But before he had much time to process the information Willow had left him again, alone in his apartment. Cyrus's heart sunk. A small amount of time passed before he realized that he had to think of something quick. Should he go after him? Or should he just leave? He didn't want to do the latter but maybe Willow wanted him to leave.
No, no he had go after him. He had to get Willow to come back. At this point an actual relationship with Willow didn't matter. Willow was the only friend he had in god knows how long. Which meant he had to try keep it together, and try to get Willow to see that this wasn't his fault.

Going off of pure adrenaline and instincts, he quickly stood up and ran out of the appartment to catch up to Willow. Luckily he hadn't gotten very far and when he was close enough he grabbed his arm.

"Wil-low." He called out his name before coming to a complete stop. His name was the single word that manged to slip past the knot around his vocal cords. His voice was rusty, some would say embarrassing. It was quiet and part of the word was caught in the back of his throat, but it was still audible enough for Willow.

Cyrus had surprised himself that, that had just happened. Though with shock came fear. He feared that he just set the bar. That Willow may expect him to talk in full sentences now. His throat tightened. Cyrus released his arm. He had found himself back at square one…speechless. Oh god now what.… he thought. He took in a deep breath, if he didn't have the words he'd just use his actions instead. Before Willow could do much, Cyrus took a small step around him, so he was now facing him, and captured him in a warm full embrace.

He leaned his head against his and gazed up at the night sky, hoping that this time Willow wouldn't try and pull out of the hug. He also hoped that he wasn't intruding on personal boundaries, but it was the only thing he could think of doing.

Despite what was going on he found himself at peace and he didn't want to lose that.
He closed his eyes, swallowed hard and without thinking two more words slipped out, same way as the last, "Pl-ease...do-n't."
It felt like wrestling a bear to get these words out, but three words were still three more than he had ever spoken to him.

"Go." Make that four.

Asking Cyrus to visit, be his friend, and even considering something more had been him a fool. Even if Cyrus had ever wanted to be his boyfriend, Saul could take that away. Cyrus was a demon and could escape, but he could do anything he wished to Willow. Plus, how could Cyrus possibly love him-- friend or boyfriend-- after all that he's done? Cyrus risked his life everyday to save people.

On the other hand, he killed people. Not on a daily basis, but often enough.

Willow didn't quite come to a stop when he heard his name called. Before he could turn around completely he jumped to see Cyrus behind him. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. His body tensed when Cyrus embraced him. His mouth remained slightly ajar.

Don't go.
Don't go.

"Why?" Willow asked and let his limbs become dead-weight for a moment while resting his face into Cyrus's shoulder. "Why?" He wrapped his arms around Cyrus's. He stifled back a sob and squeezed Cyrus tighter. "But why? I don't understand. I--" a sob escaped his throat. "I'm not-- I'm to good enough for you."

He didn't care if people were going to stare at him. "Cyrus you're such an idiot." If he could've held Cyrus tighter without hurting him, he would have. Cyrus didn't need anything else broken, the mask from before was enough.

"I can't stay," Willow said and his limbs began to go limp again. "Did you not listen to me inside? Did you not..." part of him wished to push Cyrus away, to yell and scream at him to leave. Another part was desperate for Cyrus to stay with him. He was selfish.

Willow managed to pull Cyrus off of him and stared at his eyes for what seemed like forever. Before Cyrus could say or do anything in retaliation Willow grabbed Cyrus's collar and pulled him down into a kiss.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before pushing Cyrus back a few feet and started to take several steps back. "I'm a coward. A liar. I don't understand why you don't want me to leave." He began to pick at his nails and resisted to urge to run. He didn't want Cyrus to leave either, and if he ran then well, there was a chance he would never see Cyrus again.

"I'm selfish. I don't want you to go either I--" He stopped. "But I..." He stopped again and pulled Cyrus into another kiss, this time running his fingers into Cyrus's hair.

Willow had started to become a blabbering mess. Cyrus couldn't quite understand all of what he was trying to say, but him not immediately forcing himself out of the hug was certainly a good sign. Willow had called him an idiot and maybe he was. Maybe he was still just so infatuated by him that he couldn't let him go. Or maybe he just knew how to spot out a good person in a very bad siutation. Regardless he continued to hold him and listened to him talk.

He could feel Willow starting to tighten his grip around his torso. In response he hugged him closer before Willow shook him off.

Everything he was doing just ended up with Willow backing away from him. Maybe he just needed space instead of comfort. At this rate he had no choice but to just go home and if he were to go home now chances of him coming back were going to be slim. Not for any other reason than his anxiety telling him to not return.

As the thoughts of just leaving swarmed in his head, something he never thought would happen just took place. A full on kiss from Willow.

Cyrus gasped sharply at the unexpected connection of Willow's soft lips to his. This was the moment he had been wanting, he had been waiting for and it was finally here; but it threw him so off guard that he froze for a split second. The delay in his reaction caused him to catch the tail end of the kiss. And for that small moment he had left, he kissed him back just before Willow backed away.

Being kissed by Willow should've granted him some form of happiness, but instead he felt despair filling up inside him once again. It was painful to watch his friend spiral downward so fast. It was painful to even think that this could be the last time they'd be in each other's presence. The last thing he wanted was for their first kiss to be the end of the relationship. He wanted it to be the start of one. Though the way things were going he wouldn't be surpised if this really was the end.

"Willow…I…." he managed to respond back a bit more smoothly this time, however it continued to be more of a whisper. Though he couldn't finish the rest of the sentence in time before he was cut off when Willow came back for the second kiss.

This time he wasn't thrown off guard as much. This time he pulled himself together, to kiss him back the instant they connected. He felt Willow's fingers weave into his hair and with that he proceeded to wrap his arms around his waist. Pulling him in closer as he leaned further into the kiss.

He remained there for a moment, only disconnecting  from him to whisper "I …don't believe y-you." Cyrus moved a single hand up to place on Willow's cheek and caressed it gently, as he tilted his head up slightly to give Willow a small kiss on his forehead. With his lips pressed against him, he closed his eyes. This couldn't be the end. There had to be something he could do to get Willow to calm down.

One word at a time he continued to speak  "It's…not...your...fault."

Cyrus believed that it truly wasn't Willow's fault. Whether or not he believed it because he wanted to was another question. But for the time being he believed that if Willow really was an evil, lying, murderer he wouldn't be acting the way he currently was. It was quite obvious that he felt remorse for these actions. If there was anyone to blame it'd be Saul for keeping him as a slave and forcing him to do such cruel things.

Despite Willow saying he didn't want him to go either, he still wasn't so sure. Cyrus pressed his forehead against Willow's, looked down and sighed. "But I will...give you…space if that's...what you…want. "He said trailing off at the end of the sentence.

Willow was inanimate. Even though Cyrus had his arms wrapped around his waist and forehead against Willows, he felt like he wasn't there. He was looking in one someone else, like some omniscient god. He had no control over this moment or any moment in the future.

Willow gently took ahold of Cyrus's shirt and rubbed it between his fingers. He removed his forehead from Cyrus's and placed it against his shoulder, to the best of his ability. Cyrus vaguely smelt of old books, earth, and sage. He let out a deep sigh and let go of Cyrus's shirt, only to find himself embracing Cyrus again. "You really are an idiot," he whispered with a sniffle. "I don't know what I want. I know I'd like to be happy and to get out of this hell. I don't think the former can happen without the latter. I never thought I'd be so depressed."

A smile cracked onto his lips and he let out a small laugh. "This is ridiculous. I spent a so long thinking of ways that I could try and 'trick' your brain into being interested in me. The thought of kissing you or having you hold me like right now would be in the back of my mind constantly. I'd think of so many cute, yet cliche things I could try and do to win your heart. At the same time I was always afraid that you would like me because Saul terrifies me. There is no doubt in my mind Jin-soon is going to tell Saul he saw me with you. He'll tell Saul all of his assumptions. They happen to be right and that's dangerous."

He let out another heavy sigh and relaxed his arms so that they now hung at his sides. "I don't know what I want."

He remained quiet for several moments.

"Part of me wants to push you away and tell you to go home."

He lightly grabbed Cyrus's shirt again and rubbed the fabric between his fingers.

He felt like he was on a loop.

"Most of me doesn't want to move. I want to just let you hold me. I could drown my sorrows in some alcohol and then crawl under a blanket with you and pretend that everything is okay. Tomorrow morning I'll have to get up, get dressed, put on my happy face, or serious face, go to work, and then come back and act like everything is fine. I'll be seeing Kai and Quinton soon but as I am now I'm not in the mood." He paused. "I don't know what I want."

If he kept going like this was going to be like a broken record and repeat himself in a million different ways.

But he didn't know what he wanted.

He didn't know how he felt.

"I guess, just say that you won't let go. At the moment I rather hear a sweet lie than another hard truth."

A sense of relief started to flow through him. The reassurance that Willow did in fact like him cleared up majority of the doubts that clouded his mind. And though they had just kissed, he wasn't quite sure where that left them. Obviously a kiss didn't automatically make them a couple. He sighed through his nose. This was quite an interesting night.

As Willow continued on a small smile curled up onto his lips and gave off a short breathy laugh. He too couldn't believe that they were both thinking the same thing at the same time but did nothing about it until now. Goes to show how observant he was.

"We can do that…maybe skip the alcohol part." Cyrus shot open. He surprised himself that he agreed to that openingly.

Before he started to drift off again im fantasy land Cyrus returned his attention back to the real problem, and tightened the embrace. Giving Willow a warm bear hug. "But I promise…I won't." He whispered. Little did Willow know, there was more truth behind those words than not.

Cyrus held him there for a minute or two, trying to think of his next move. So far there he had very little success in trying to cheer Willow up. However he knew it wasn't really going to be easy under these circumstances. Willow still hadn't run from him though, so he supposed that was something. Then a lightbulb went off. There was one thing he could maybe do, but it required going back to Hell. People were already giving them odd looks, so opening a portal to another dimension here, probably not the best idea. Cyrus cleared his throat and pulled out of the hug.
"Let's go back home." He said, taking ahold of Willow's hand and laced his fingers together as he walked him back to his apartment.

Once they got back to the apartment, Cyrus released Willow's hand and closed the door behind them. He took a few steps in before opening the portal that led back to his home in Hell. "Please wait…I will be back." He said, hoping Willow would stay put for a few minutes. Leaving Willow behind, Cyrus walked through and the portal soon after closed off behind him.

As soon as he got back home he ran straight to his library. Books upon books, varying from spellcasting books to romance novels, covering the walls of the room. A small desk was placed in the middle of the room, where a few of those books were left open. At the top of the desk a small wooden carving of a stag, about the size of his palm sat there.
Cyrus grabbed the figure and brushed off any dust that might have been collected over time. Making it as clean a he possibly could.
Once he decided it was good enough he quickly opened another portal to Willow's appartment.

Stepping through the portal, he landed in front of Willow.
He tucked a loose piece of hair behind his ear and took a deep breath, inhaling all the way down to his stomach before realsing it.

Once again he cleared his throat and stuck out his hand that held the stag figure. "I made this... sometime ago." He paused, working up another sentence.
"Made it during a hard time in my life. To me…it symbolized that I could get through it." Another pause before finishing his thought
"That I too could do good. "

He took Willow's hand, placed the small figure in his palm and closed his fingers around it, "I know I can't currently get you out of your situation…but I want you to have this… and to know that you're not alone."

He took a final pause "Though you may put whatever meaning you want behind it." He finished with a soft smile.

When Cyrus disappeared Willow felt his legs turn to jelly. What were they now?

Though his legs begged him to let them off the hook, he pushed the table to the corner of the room and rolled out his futon. He eyed it for a moment and curled his lip.

It was too short for Cyrus. That was assuming that Cyrus was even remotely interested in cuddling like he had implied.

Even though it had happened before, Willow felt his insiders chew on each other. This would be the first time that cuddling was intentional.

Cyrus's reappearance made him jump.

A small smile crept onto Willow's face as the stag was placed into his hands.

"You are such a dork," Willow said while shaking his head. "But your obsession with stags is cute. It fits you."

Willow placed the stag by his heart and glanced at Cyrus's feet. He rubbed one of the stags legs between his fingers. It wasn't perfectly smooth giving it a homemade feel.

"Cyrus I..." Willow paused and stopped rubbing the stag. "I..." He ran his fingers through his hair and looked away, then back at Cyrus. "So are... are we a thing now?"

Seeing a smile slip onto Willow's face was enough to make his night. That was the moment he wanted, and was glad that his small trinket brought him a sense of joy, even if it wasn't a big one. Cyrus's smile grew when he witnessed Willow clutching the small stag to his heart. The urge to kiss him once again grew, but was too much of a coward to act on it.

"Are we a thing?" Willow's words echoed in his mind.

His heart skipped a beat and felt the butterflies once again begin to flutter in his stomach. Well were they a thing? Willow had just asked, obviously that meant he wanted to be, right? But this whole time he wasn't getting the idea that Willow wanted to be in a relationship. They kissed yeah, but did that really mean something other than they had feelings for each other.

Maybe it did.

Before too much time dragged on, he stuttered "Y-yeah…I mean sure..err yes..uhh…." He felt his face become hot from embarrassment. That was real smooth.

He took a deep breath and dragged his hand down his face to collect himself. "I-I mean…I'm yours, if you'll have me."

Willows smile and shoulders fell. "That doesn't sound very convincing. If you don't want to that's alright."

He lowered his arms and walked over to the shelf where he kept all of his fathers old belongings before walking back over to Cyrus. A small sigh escaped his lips as he took Cyrus's hands into his own. He kept his eyes on Cyrus's hands. Right now he didn't feel right looking him in the eyes.

The handful of seconds he waited to speak felt like a lifetime. He swallowed then looked up at Cyrus. "I'd love to have you. In more ways than one, sweet mother of God. Not right now, and not until you're comfortable if you really do want to become an item. Didn't think it'd happen this way? I was thinking about saying something earlier, but then when I saw Jin-soon kiss you my heart hit the floor." He paused and dropped Cyrus's hands. "I don't even know how I feel right now. I'm happy but at the same time I want to curl under my covers and just cry, or at least lay there and pretend everything is fine."

He plopped onto the floor and crossed his legs and rested his chin on his hands. "Though now the sad is beginning to eat away at the happy again. But I do have feelings for you. Deep, painful, feelings."

Cyrus's heart immediately sunk to the floor. This whole night had been a rollercoaster of emotions. But this time, this time he felt like he truly messed up. If only he had more courage, more confidence to say what he meant without falling flat on his face, then maybe Willow's reaction would've been different. How was he going to back track out of this one.

His eyes dropped to the floor. Only to see and feel Willow take hold of his hands. He wanted to be with him, god only knew how much he did. Why couldn't he just be clear about that.

It was as though nothing he was saying had any meaning behind it. He was reminded of the notepad that sat in his pocket, maybe he should just write his feelings instead. Things seemed like they were going smoother when he just had his mouth shut anyways.

No. No. No. He couldn't afford taking steps backward, not now. But remaining silent sure did seem rather tempting.

And so he did, for a moment at least. Until Willow flopped himself on the floor and finished talking. "Come on you fool, do something." he thought to himself, attempting to move his frozen legs.

Taking all of his strength, he walked over to Willow and sat down next him. Another small moment passed, giving himself another small pep talk.

He was brave enough to put his life on the line everyday to save people, but this, this was harder for him for whatever reason.

With one final mental 'come on' Cyrus took Willow's face into his hands and gently lifted his head. He swallowed before saying "I… I don't want Jin-soon. I want you. And I said I was yours …if you wanted me." Before Willow could reply he leaned in and gave him a kiss.